4-30-2018

Apparently, it’s #NationalAdoptaShelterPetDay. While we were not in a shelter when the biped’s found us, we were adopted. I guess running free in this world is too risky and dangerous so therefore, we have been saved by two awesome bipeds. Yes, that’s right, they are awesome!

-Mozzie

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4-23-2018

I was thinking… then I realized that’s not the smartest thing to do.

-Mozzie

4-16-2018

I believe that inherent within the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, is the equally God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. That is why I support… squirrel!

-Mozzie

4-9-2018

What is it with the biped and flowers? And why do I get stuck in this position next to said flowers? I don’t care for flowers. Flowers have bees and bees sting, painfully. Want to make me happy, throw me a squirrel already!

-Mozzie

4-2-2018

I’m not suggesting that everyone have a little nap every day. But I am suggesting that if you do have a day where you had a bad night’s sleep and you’re just dog tired, it’s probably best to just have a half an hour nap. But for me, I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.

-Mozzie

3-26-2018

Today, the biped fondled my butt. It’s one of her favorite places to pet me besides my ears. It’s fluffy and full of curls. I get a nice soothing massage with some scratches thrown in. When I was done reflecting on this, at the mirror in the dressing room, I pondered a new thought: “I have a pretty nice ass for a guy my age.”
 
-Mozzie

3-19-2018

Let’s try a little experiment. Turn and look at someone near you — a loved one, a friend, a co-worker, a stranger — it doesn’t really matter. Now, as you look at this person, consider this: he or she is a completely unique, never – before – in – the – history – of – the – universe – has – there – been – anyone – exactly – like – this – person… person. Reflect on the fact that you are gazing at an impossibly complex and totally original work of art which will never be duplicated. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. We so easily lose sight of how truly magnificent we are. And so now that spring has sprung, so have my allergies.

-Mozzie

3-12-2018

I believe I think too much. I believe I’m literally drowning in a thick swamp of thoughts. No, the swamp’s not right. It’s more like being in the middle of a swarm of bees, all of them flying insanely about, occasionally stinging for no apparent reason. Yup, bees, definitely — thoughts are bees.

-Mozzie

3-5-2018

Some equipment emit a piercing ‘beep-beep-beep’ noise when they back up. I’ve always assumed this sound was a response to past litigation. Insurance companies, seeking to avoid lawsuits, decided this was a defendable way to warn stupid people that a large vehicle was sneaking up on them. Now I should make clear, I’m totally in favor of signaling dumbasses. But what I do not support is the ‘beep-beep-beeping’ happening every friggin’ morning at the break of friggin’ dawn. Who’s up to be run over that early?! I have no solution to this situation. So I will just distract myself by sitting amongst these imaginative bee infested flowers.

-Mozzie

2-26-2018

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers legs. I poop where I want to, outdoors of course. And I’ve been called a good boy every day and all day.

-Mozzie