4-2-2018

I’m not suggesting that everyone have a little nap every day. But I am suggesting that if you do have a day where you had a bad night’s sleep and you’re just dog tired, it’s probably best to just have a half an hour nap. But for me, I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.

-Mozzie

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3-26-2018

Today, the biped fondled my butt. It’s one of her favorite places to pet me besides my ears. It’s fluffy and full of curls. I get a nice soothing massage with some scratches thrown in. When I was done reflecting on this, at the mirror in the dressing room, I pondered a new thought: “I have a pretty nice ass for a guy my age.”
 
-Mozzie

3-19-2018

Let’s try a little experiment. Turn and look at someone near you — a loved one, a friend, a co-worker, a stranger — it doesn’t really matter. Now, as you look at this person, consider this: he or she is a completely unique, never – before – in – the – history – of – the – universe – has – there – been – anyone – exactly – like – this – person… person. Reflect on the fact that you are gazing at an impossibly complex and totally original work of art which will never be duplicated. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. We so easily lose sight of how truly magnificent we are. And so now that spring has sprung, so have my allergies.

-Mozzie

3-12-2018

I believe I think too much. I believe I’m literally drowning in a thick swamp of thoughts. No, the swamp’s not right. It’s more like being in the middle of a swarm of bees, all of them flying insanely about, occasionally stinging for no apparent reason. Yup, bees, definitely — thoughts are bees.

-Mozzie

3-5-2018

Some equipment emit a piercing ‘beep-beep-beep’ noise when they back up. I’ve always assumed this sound was a response to past litigation. Insurance companies, seeking to avoid lawsuits, decided this was a defendable way to warn stupid people that a large vehicle was sneaking up on them. Now I should make clear, I’m totally in favor of signaling dumbasses. But what I do not support is the ‘beep-beep-beeping’ happening every friggin’ morning at the break of friggin’ dawn. Who’s up to be run over that early?! I have no solution to this situation. So I will just distract myself by sitting amongst these imaginative bee infested flowers.

-Mozzie

2-26-2018

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers legs. I poop where I want to, outdoors of course. And I’ve been called a good boy every day and all day.

-Mozzie

2-19-2018

It seems to me that the biggest, most momentous choice of our lives is the one that none of us gets to make. I’m talking about the decision to be here, to be alive. Simply put, we all arrive here screaming, crying and covered in goo, without prior consultation. Or so it appears. But before I get too deep, do you have bacon?

-Mozzie

2-12-2018

The things the bipeds have spent their life depending on are undependable. Because they are things. And things are, by their very nature, subject to change. This applies to people as well. People change. People leave. Inevitably we all leave. The world, therefore, is essentially an unstable, uncertain environment. That’s why I choose to be held tight in this moment and make Chewy jealous. Is it working?

-Mozzie

2-5-2018

I believe in reincarnation. Not in the traditional sense. My feeling is that I have lived many different lives within this lifetime. Having a certain cat stare me down as I stand in the doorway of his playbox is a bit unsettling and just might cost me a life. The only way to save me is a piece of bacon STAT!

-Mozzie

1-29-2018

I’ve just learned that 96% of the universe is made up of stuff we don’t understand, can’t measure, and until very recently, didn’t even know existed. Personally, I find this extremely reassuring. A big mystery in my life is finally solved. I mean, think about it. All this time I thought the bipeds wore these things to keep bugs out of their ears. Little did I know, until they placed them on my ears, that a strange male biped is talking to me about ancient aliens through this weird contraption. I will never be the same.

-Mozzie