You think you’re a noun.

You’re not.

You’re a verb.

You’re welcome.




Sometimes in the middle of the night, I find myself wondering if I traveled to central Africa and forgot.



Apparently, today is the biped’s wedding anniversary. They have been together long before I came around. I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn’t rescued me.



I’m going to go pee. The biped has said, “You can take a dog outside, but you can’t make it pee.”. Well, I do prefer to pee in the comfort of my home. For me, there are few moments of clarity more profound than those that follow the emptying of an overcharged bladder. The world slows down, the focus sharpens, the brain comes back online. So enjoy your first pee of the day!



There is a big nope soak going on behind me and I want no part of it. Hurry up and open the door because the water is creeping up on my little feet!


I am, by any reasonable measurement, old. And yet, more often than not, I feel ageless. Not young, mind you. Ageless. Without age. Ageless is some kind of basic spiritual truth, and being old is simply an experience that we choose to have. We could, for instance, pee often and slowly; make odd, involuntary grunting noises while getting out of a chair; have difficulty seeing, hearing, eating, sleeping, walking, copulating, remembering, bending our fingers and breathing, while remaining a field of awareness that exists outside the illusion of time. We also could complain all day and take lots of naps. As I said, it’s a choice.



Today I slept in and didn’t get to watch all the neighborhood kids run off to the start of their new school year. But I was here spying on you coming home all happy and that’s when I noticed how big you guys are getting! You’re going to have a great year.



Love. We experience it as an emotion, but the feeling of love, the desire to be close to the beloved, is actually an unconscious expression of the dynamic nature of sub-atomic particles eternally trying to regroup into the singularity that was their primordial state before the Big Bang blew them apart. While this knowledge helps to explain almost all human behavior, it is completely useless for writing song lyrics and Hallmark cards. Don’t even think about it for marriage proposals.